Most Wonderful Time…

Dear Suri, To give employees time to celebrate the holidays with their families, and because there’s never really anything going at that time anyway, my employer gives everyone the last week of the year off (with pay!). It’s a huge bonus, and we all feel very lucky to work here.

One of the most fun things to do is to catch up with everyone when they get back: what people did on vacation, where they went, what gifts they got and gave… all that stuff.

Well, this one guy seems to be different after break. He used to be all jovial: cracking jokes, scheduling group lunches, and just being an all-around cool guy. I never saw him without a smile last year.

So far this year, though, he keeps his head down, doesn’t talk to anyone, and has started to mumble stuff under his breath. I don’t know yet if it’s about any of us, but I hear him swear a lot and say things like “This is so ridiculous!” and “I’m tired of this bullshit.” Someone said they saw him in the break room the other day drawing pictures of guns and bombs and stuff. As far as I know, he’s not an artist.

It might be all in my head. In fact, the more I think about it, this guy is probably no different than he was before, and I’m being silly even trying to make an issue out of it. Maybe I should just let it go? I mean, everybody has bad days (and sometimes weeks), right? — Back n’ Forth in Bogard, MO

____________________________________

Dear Back n’ Forth, Please report this to your company’s human resources department immediately. What you have described is no laughing matter; it is a serious situation. Qualified professionals in your office can assist your co-worker in getting the help he needs, while avoiding a potential case of workplace violence. ~Suri

 

Foiled Again!

bank-robber

The key to successfully robbing a bank: they have to be open. After trying to shake down a local bank twice after hours, it’s clear one would-be robber didn’t get that memo.

Police in Des Moines, Iowa say security footage shows someone trying to get into the Marine Credit Union. Problem is, both times the bank had closed for the night!

Some employees witnessed the scene, but couldn’t give a good description because of his disguise. The suspect has yet to be caught.

News Offbeat
Real Stories from Around the World
by Danny Inc  
News Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Hair Today…

rogaine-suspect

You really can’t make this stuff up. Police in Dearborn, Michigan are looking for a bald thief who stole hair growth product from a local pharmacy. They say the suspect (pictured) nicked seven boxes of Rogaine from a CVS and then fled in an “older model Chevrolet.”

News Offbeat
Real Stories from Around the World
by Danny Inc  
News Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Meaty Politics

One Michigan town has an idea to get folks more interested in local politics: serve ‘em free hot dogs!

Victory Township plans to host free, public picnics before its regular board meetings. Residents are not required to stay for the meeting, but officials say most who show up do, anyway.

News Offbeat
Real Stories from Around the World
by Danny Inc  
News Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Decision 2020: 80’s Toys Cabinet

President Teddy Ruxpin
Vice President Rainbow Brite
Attorney General Papa Smurf
Secretary of State Care Bear*

*Sunshine or Harmony would be best suited to this role, given the need for diplomacy

Other Secretaries

Agriculture = Strawberry Shortcake
Commerce = Cabbage Patch Kids (shared role)
Defense = G.I. Joe
Education = Speak and Spell
Energy = Glo Worm
Health and Human Services = Easy Bake Oven
Homeland Security = He-Man // She-Ra (co-secretaries)
HUD = Garfield // Odie (shared role)
Interior = Barbie
Transportation = Power Wheels
Treasury = Scrooge McDuck
Veterans Affairs = Optimus Prime

Other Cabinet Positions

Chief of Staff = See n’ Say
U.N. Ambassador = My Little Pony
Small Business Administrator = Jem/Jerrica

Inquiring Minds

Have you ever wondered what happens to people’s stuff when they get murdered, or die in a cult suicide pact or something? Theoretically, their family members were either in the cult too, or had been ex-communicated years ago.

Does the stuff go to Goodwill? Is it put up for auction? Would anyone buy clothes off a dead person? Now I’m going to naturally assume everything I buy second-hand was on a dead body. So that’s why the stuff is so cheap!

by Tommy R. Panagopolis
Residential Life Magazine

Masquerade

I recently participated in my first Interactive Live-Action Role Play, or “iLARP.” The experience was quite impressive — both technically and otherwise — and was unlike any other. I would likely participate in another event.

larp

Same Page

I got to thinking, however, that everyone “LARPs” at some point in their life. Everyone finds an outlet that allows them to be someone different from who they usually are. Whether it’s acting, video games, reading, drugs, etc., everyone wants and needs to experience adventure and be someone they’re not. Maybe it’s the theatrics, maybe it’s the excitement of it all, maybe it’s the opportunity to reinvent yourself, if only for a few hours.

I actually think it’s healthy. Kids are always making stuff up, and they seem pretty content about it. Positive outlets can help people become more grounded in reality.

by Catherine Obvious
Pop Culture Editor
Residential Life Magazine