Dear Suri: I am part of a church youth group, and sometimes we have these little celebrations, where there is usually donuts, cider and other treats. We don’t do this every week, you know, but just sometimes. That’s what makes it special.
Well, this one kid always makes a comment about the donuts. It’s not that he’s being rude or mean to anyone, but when someone asks why he’s not having a donut, he always laughs and pats his stomach and says “ I’ve had my fair share, I think,” or something else like that. He’s not even that fat!
He doesn’t make a comment unless someone directly asks him why he’s not having one, but, still, I just think it makes everyone else feel bad about themselves, you know? It makes us feel like we shouldn’t be having sweets, either.
I know it’s not a Godly thing to do to judge someone, but he’s making it very difficult, and I think he is doing it on purpose. What should I do? Autumn, North Carolina
Dear Autumn, Celebrations like the ones you’ve described are an essential aspect of our lives, no matter what age. It is through these forums that we meet new friends and come to better understand each other. Your involvement in these gatherings is important, as is the involvement of the young man you’ve mentioned.
From your comments, it does not appear that this fellow is intentionally causing harm or distress to anyone. His personal reasons for not wanting to partake in the refreshments are just that: personal. No one should pressure him into taking a donut (or engaging in any other activity), just as they would not want to be subject to the same type of pressure.
It may be best, then, to turn your thoughts away from his culinary regiment, and instead toward getting to know this young man as a friend. This could enhance both of your lives, and contribute to the strength and compassion of the group as a whole. ~ Suri
About Suri Says™
Suri Syrtauwnya is the resident advice queen at Residential Life Magazine. Her unique insight into “pickles and predicaments” (as she puts it) has helped many of us sort out even the most difficult of decisions. Now, we’re sharing this valuable resource! Submit your questions for Suri.