Wellness Woes

I know this guy, he’s a health nut, but he’s always getting sick! What a dumb-ass.

He always blames it on his kid. I’m sure that skank is a real germ-factory, a living petri-dish, but that’s not the main reason why he’s always snorting and hacking all over the goddam place.

Who's "fit" now, tough guy?!
Who’s “fit” now, tough guy?!

He eats all the time, various foods that he calls healthy, even though they all smell like the inside of my ass. He works out a lot, I guess, but I know he’s had to call into work more than a few times when he’s pulled a muscle. Douche. He says it’s just minor injuries when he’s “doing something good for myself.” I think it’s his body’s way of telling him to eat a dick and stop making it work so hard.

This guy’s a real germ-freak, too. He always has this huge bottle of hand sanitizer with him. Pricko. I hope he chokes on that stuff one of these days!

Look, the bottom line is that this guy thinks he’s being so healthy, but he’s really just setting himself up to get sick. His immune system is so used to getting a free ride, not having to do a damn thing, that it’s just sort of checked out. So whenever some virus comes along, it’s got free reign! It brings that SOB to his knees! I love it.

I’m not saying I have all the answers, and I know that sometimes I eat too much and don’t get maybe the amount of exercise I should be getting, but I only get sick about once a year, if that.

So all you hippie-ass, health food jackasses can shove it. Next time I see one of you cocksuckers sick, I’ll slap you right upside your goddam heads! I can’t wait for it!!

by Abraham “Able Abe” Aenstograafik | Residential Life Magazine 

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