Dear Suri, I’ve been dating ‘Derek’ for about three years now. We’ve been living together for two. He’s a wonderful man, and I couldn’t be happier with our relationship. I think we both know that we are made for each other, so I shouldn’t have been surprised when he proposed during a hot air balloon ride. The thing is, I was.
I love him, and I am ready to get married. I’ve been waiting for it my whole life! I just didn’t like the whole “mid-air” proposal. The balloon-operator guy was there, and ‘Derek’ had obviously told people what he was going to do, because I could see our friends and family on the ground below. I never gave him an answer. I just stood there, shocked, then told the balloon guy he had to take us down. I could see ‘Derek’ was not happy.
When we landed, everyone wanted to know what happened. ‘Derek’ took off, pissed, and I ran off crying. I tried to explain it, but no one seems to understand what I’m going through, or why I did what I did. I mean, this is what I’ve always wanted! His friends won’t talk to me, and even my friends think I’m a psycho. What the hell is wrong with me?! — Apprehensive in Ansonia (CT)
Dear Apprehensive, Emotions can be confusing and unpredictable. Perhaps you were nervous that day, or were ‘caught off guard’ by the proposal. Your emotional assessment of the situation may also have been affected by the presence of the balloon operator, or your loved ones awaiting your safe return. There is, however, another possibility to consider.
You and ‘Derek’ have shared a home for two-thirds of your relationship. Have you ever been apart for any length of time during that period? Emotional well-being includes a firm knowledge of oneself. Even married people should take heed not to lose the grasp on their personal identities.
Rather than expending your emotional resources on trying to “explain” your feelings, now may be the time to focus on yourself, as you determine — and perhaps reinforce — your true intentions for ‘Derek’ and the future of your relationship. There is no wrong answer, however the final decision is one that only you can make. ~ Suri
by Suri Syrtawnya | Advice | Residential Life Magazine