Habits, Vices, and Mannerisms

Hypocrisy Lives

“You’re having a glass of wine? It’s not even noon yet!”

I swear if one more person at brunch had asked me that, they would have all been wearing their huevos rancheros.


First of all, don’t worry what I’m doing. Second, thanks to an overly ambitious teenager, I’ve been up since 4:00 a.m. And lastly, since when was there a time requirement for a grown woman to responsibly enjoy one God-damned glass of wine with her meal?!

It’s five o’clock somewhere!

I took the high road on site, but am taking the low road now. I see these bitches get hammered every weekend and have to call their “permanent boyfriends” to pick them up. But I guess since it’s midnight or 2:00 a.m. that’s okay, right?

Since it’s Friday night I guess it’s okay for you to smoke two packs of cigarettes and pretend you hate smoking the rest of the week, huh Janice?!

I guess acting like a teetotaler at the office is pretty tiring, Melanie, so you have to ‘unwind’ with daiquiris all night. Is that it?!

If one more skank wants to get up here and judge me, she’s gonna get bitch-slapped to the pavement. No one tells me what I can do or when I can do it. No one.

And even if it’s 6:00 a.m. and I feel like a glass of wine, I’m going to have one and love it. So you sluts can keep your mouths shut!

by Willa Shaykhs
Residential Life Magazine


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