Work and Occupation

The Falsest Story Ever Told

I just overheard some skank at the next table talk about how hard it is to work in Human Resources. She was on this tangent about how HR has to be “everyone’s advocate.” What a crock of horseshit.

She goes on to say that at least once a week she spends half the day trying to find a common ground between bosses and employees, or as she puts it “an agreement we can all be happy with.” Straight bull.

Fair Weather Friends

The real fact of the matter is plain as day. HR is solely out for the company. They’re not, nor have they ever been, an ‘advocate’ for employees.

Know your enemy

Though the department’s day-to-days vary from one organization to another, the core role is to recruit, train, and squeeze every last ounce of production out of worker bees who’ll tow the company line and keep their grubby mouths shut. If you step out of line or speak out of turn, you can be damn sure the iron fist of HR will come crashing down on you like Thor’s hammer!

In some places, HR tries to be the ‘cool’ department. In others, they exist only in the shadows. Still other places take the route this hooker obviously does and put on their best Oscar-worthy performance, trying to be seen as a selfless group that works tirelessly just to keep the peace. Pathetic!

Stay Woke

There’s only one thing you really need to know about Human Resources, and that is that HR will do anything they can to screw the employee before the employee screws the company. They’re not your friend, not your ally, not your counselor or mediator.

They’re the ones that’ll make sure your ass gets fired for making them look bad. They’re the ones that’ll make sure you never work anywhere else in this town. They’re the ones that’ll reduce you to the sniveling, sobbing waste of life they saw you as from day one.

HR is the Gestapo of the business world. Done and done.

by Jon Novin
Opinion Editor
Residential Life Magazine


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