Some people are just straight-up f’n dumb. Like my buddy’s douchebag boss, who decided that he didn’t like the smell in his office (which is by the bathroom), so apparently he had Facilities tear up the wall to install an electrical outlet, just so he could put one of those plug-in air fresheners in the place!
Power and Influence
My buddy is worried he’ll lose his job if he says too much, but this is one thing I just had to get out. I’m not gonna name names or anything like that. I’ll keep it nice and anonymous, even though I want to tell the world about this little prick-o and his dickhead ways.
I’ll get that mofo in a vice-grip headlock. If that’s what needs to happen, that’s exactly what’ll happen! It’ll happen in a big way, and in no time flat! This isn’t a threat; it’s a straight-faced promise.
Now I’m getting riled up here. I’m about to friggin’ explode. I’m gonna run over this guy next time I see him. I’ll do the worst hit-and-run this town’s ever seen. I’ll do it with a smile on my face and with joy in my heart! I’ll take a dash cam still photo and get it framed for my den. Then I’ll break that photo over this cocksucker’s entitled head! I’ll cut him like a market fish! I don’t even care!
Forget the Little Guy
See, in order to get the thing installed, they had to cut off the power for about an hour, which made everyone in the place have to stop their work and wait. And for what?! I guess this guy doesn’t know about Febreze. Sounds like I need to shove a can straight up his ass! I’ll spray some Febreze right his eye sockets! He likes things to smell so fresh, he’ll get a dose of freshness that’ll last him a lifetime!
And why is the boss’ office next to the bathroom in the first place?! My buddy’s a cool guy, but he just started there. Cram his smelly ass in the corner there and let him soak it in. It’s called paying dues. And being the boss means you’re done paying. Any boss that doesn’t know that should be fired on the spot.
This guy can suck on it. He can suck it long and suck it hard. I am so completely done with his horseshit. I’m so pissed right now I can’t even see straight.
by Abraham “Able Abe” Aenstograafik
Residential Life Magazine