Tough Luck

Today’s so-called “gangsters” are a joke. They say they’re not afraid of anything, but in reality they’re a bunch of pussies who’ll back down in two seconds flat.

They like to flaunt their guns and money, but they always show up on screen with masked voices and bandanas covering their faces. Scaredy cats.

The same goes for ISIS — those little ass clowns. They really like to harass and murder innocent people, yet they always show up with covered faces. Show yourselves, you cowards!

And then there’s the KKK, and the list goes on. Little boys playing house, the lot of them. These “gangsters” are nothing more than lost little kids. Misfits. Deadbeats. Morons of the highest order. They should all be in prison.

Rants n’ Raves with Jon Novin
Residential Life Magazine 

End of the Line

Living in a popular retirement area, you often read articles about senior living. Today, there was a piece about some lady who’s fighting her kids for the “right” to keep driving. She’s 95! I hope either the kids can knock some sense into her, or she’ll die before she kills some innocent driver or pedestrian.

Sadly, that’s what happened just last week. This 86-year-old douche took his Lincoln Towncar out for a spin and ended up jumping the curb and killing pedestrians who just happened to be walking by: a young mother and her toddler who was in a stroller. Now two people are dead just because some old asswipe didn’t know when it was time to hang up the keys. And it looks like nothing’s going to happen to him on account of his age.

Sign of the Times

I’m so tired of these geezers acting like they’re not getting old. And before anyone says it, yes, I realize that I’ll likely get to that stage. But the difference is, I won’t be so selfish as to willingly put other people in danger just because I feel like I should be able to act like I’m still in my 20s.

Get the hell off the road

I don’t give two shits what these people say about how they feel like they’re losing their freedom, and how much it sucks to get old, and on and on. All I know is that if it were my loved one who’s now dead because of some absent-minded octogenarian, I would take drastic measures. That’s a promise and a fact. If you kill someone on the road because you’re too self-absorbed to realize that your reaction time is dangerously slow, you need to be severely punished.

Prove It

Once you pass a certain age, say 75, you should have to take a driving test every year. Every single year. And if you don’t pass, there go your driving privileges. And if for whatever reason you don’t like it, you can lump it. You can lump the hell out of it. And if, after that, you then decide to buck the system and go on a joy ride, and you end up causing damage to life and/or property, you should be publicly beaten within an inch of your life. Maybe you’ll die from your injuries. And it would serve your selfish ass right.

Rants n’ Raves with Jon Novin
Opinion Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Get Lost

Why does the U.S. have to let in every refugee, every political asylum seeker, every bleeding heart with a sob story to tell? Other countries don’t like foreigners. Japan doesn’t like foreigners. They pretend to, but most of them secretly hate Americans. Asswipes.

Why should the U.S. have to accept everyone? I can’t wait until Trump gets into office and closes the borders. No one gets in without a good excuse, and even then, they have to be approved. Even to visit. I’m so sick of this horseshit.

Rants n’ Raves with Jon Novin
Opinion Editor
Residential Life Magazine


Get on Board

It’s no secret that airport security lines are getting longer and more time-consuming. People are missing flights, for God’s sake! Something has to give.

Now they say they can’t hire enough TSA workers. Of course you can’t! Who wants to be a glorified mall cop? The only people who seek out TSA jobs and actually enjoy working for the agency are pedophiles and the mentally ill.

Johnny Law

K9 Police Dog
He’ll sink his teeth into your throat, dirtbag!

What we need is to bring in a private company that hires trained and qualified workers with law enforcement backgrounds. And we need to stop pandering to every bleeding heart out there. If you look like a terrorist or make threats, even as a joke, I want to see your ass face-down on the ground with a K9 chomping on your groin and a rifle in your temple. Bet you won’t do that again!

Look Sharp

While we’re at it, the lines wouldn’t take so goddam long if people would just follow the rules already! This isn’t something new, people! Take off your goddam shoes, belts, etc. Put your fug’n laptop on the belt. Stop being an asshole.

Police State

TSA Workers at Airport Security Screening Gate
You’re always a criminal here

Screening should start the second you walk in the door. No! Earlier than that! It should start the second you pull up to the airport – whether you’re flying or not. Everyone has to get there three hours early, even if you’re only on a short, domestic flight. Only passengers allowed inside. Leave Aunt Tilly at home.

And for God’s sake, pay attention! Read the goddam screens, know what you’ve got in your own fug’n bag, and if you can’t keep your kids in line, either leave them at home, or give them away.

Rants n’ Raves with Jon Novin
Opinion Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Give Me Two Tens

By now, you must have heard that there will be a new face on the twenty-dollar bill in a few years. Harriet Tubman was a great lady, don’t get me wrong. Fought for what she believed in and all. But the ire about this change is real… and it’s justified.

If It Ain’t Broke

Harriet Tubman 20 dollar bill
Artist’s rendering of what the new $20 bill featuring Harriet Tubman could look like.

No “regular” citizen is on any other paper money, and with the exception of the failed Susan B. Anthony and Sacagawea dollars, the only faces gracing U.S. money thus far have been past (and deceased) Presidents and founding fathers.

Deviating from that time-honored formula makes absolutely no sense. What’s next? Mickey Mouse on the $5 bill? A washing machine on the 50?! You can’t go around making sweeping changes like this, just ‘cause a bunch of fat, white suburban housewife sluts decided to create a non-issue and cause an uproar.

Turn Back Time

I sincerely hope the next President will reverse this asinine decision before it’s too late, and the American people have been forced to pay through the nose to change the dies, ink, and every other expense that goes along with such a ridiculous move. If things go as planned and ol’ HT does get on the money, I’ll never touch a $20 bill again. Enough of this horseshit!

Rants n’ Raves with Jon Novin
Residential Life Magazine

Hard to Make a Livin’

News Summary

San Francisco recently became the first U.S. city to mandate fully-paid parental leave. New parents will now receive 100% of their wages during a six-week leave period, and get guaranteed return to their jobs.


Look, I’m all for personal leave time. I get it. Bonding with the baby, etc. Makes sense. But to force employers to not only give a free vacation… but then have to pay for it, too? Absurd! First $15-an-hour minimum wage and now this?! The State of California is clearly anti-small business.

And what about those who choose not to have kids? Contrary to what some believe, family life is not a command performance. Where’s the bankrolled vacation for childless workers? What about new pet owners? Who’s gonna take care of my puppy when I’m “workin’ for the man every night and day?” Where’s my free vacation?! Puppy-owner bonding is important, too! I’m so tired of this horseshit.

This law is a double-whammy against employers who now have to figure out a way to keep their companies running, while throwing money out the door so some lazy-ass workers can sit around and live the high life… on their dime. It means the workers that are left behind will be forced to shoulder more responsibilities with no extra pay, and consumers will face higher prices to make up the difference. I’m sorry, but your snot-nosed brat just isn’t worth it.

Rants n’ Raves with Jon Novin | Residential Life Magazine