Put Your Dukes Up

Dear Suri, I love to fight. It sustains me. I wake up in the morning pissed, and I go to bed full of anger and hatred. Oh, I have full control over my outward emotions. I won’t make an issue unless someone else does. But then I always take it overboard. It’s rarely physically violent, but I would tongue-lash you like no one’s business. I’ll say stuff that’ll make you cry.

Now, everyone keeps their distance from me. I’d love to be closer to people, but I also love to fight. I’m not going to give that up. I’ll start arguments with people I don’t even know!

And don’t bother with your psycho-babble horseshit. This isn’t about fear, frustration, depression, hurt, trauma, upheaval, or any of the crap. No one I know has died, I haven’t had a breakup, or jost a job, or anything like that. I don’t need anger management.

I’m actually a pretty happy guy. I still like to go to the movies, hang out with friends (those who haven’t disowned me yet), and all that stuff. I’m just not going to be disrespected, is all. I’m not going to sit idly by and let someone walk all over me. That’s never going to happen. — Furious in Fairfield

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Dear Furious, “Loving” anger and outward offense presents an opportunity for self-reflection and improvement.

Often, when we look introspectively into scenarios affecting our lives  really focusing on an objective, “full picture” approach  we are able to determine the root causes of concern, and any undesirable behavior that stems from it.

It may be beneficial, then, to investigate and evaluate current conditions, and find solutions that will promote and enhance harmonious relationships with the people you encounter on a daily basis. Good luck! ~ Suri

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Suri Says™
by Suri Syrtauwnya
Advice Editor
Residential Life Magazine

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Red Handed

Dear Suri, I’ve had it! I know my neighbors were stealing my newspaper. I had a suspicion for a long time, but my wife said “maybe some animal is taking it.” I wanted to tell her that was horseshit, but I didn’t. But it’s horseshit. It was no animal. Not a wild animal, at least.

So I did a test one day. I put together a newspaper of sections from past newspapers, and included a “you are being watched” note. I don’t have any way to actually record my front yard, and I’m not going to buy a surveillance system just for that. But it worked! The thefts stopped!

But now part of me wants to find out who was doing it so I can get some recourse. Oh, I’m not going to do anything stupid. Just maybe rough ’em up a bit. Teach ’em a lesson, you know? What do you think? — Victory in Vergennes

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Dear Victory, Theft — no matter the degree — brings with it feelings of violation and broken trust, not unlike the seven stages of grief.

It is important, however, to keep close control of your emotions and take care not to allow the incident to escalate into actions you’ll most surely regret later on.

Communication remains the key to any successful relationship — whether romantic, professional, or, as in this case, neighborly. Taking a moment to calmly collect your thoughts will help you make a sound decision that will ensure positive interactions for years to come. ~ Suri

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Suri Says™
by Suri Syrtauwnya
Advice Editor
Residential Life Magazine

‘Til Germs Do Us Part

Dear Suri,

We’re about to go on a short plane trip (3 hours) to visit relatives, but I am totally freaking out about the germs! I just know I’m going to get sick.

I bought those medical masks like they wear in China, but my husband refuses to wear one on board. I’m ready to drop him over his attitude about the whole thing. What’s your take? — Germy in Jersey

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Dear Germy,

In light of recent viral outbreaks, your heightened awareness regarding airborne pathogens is valid.

It is not out of the ordinary for today’s traveler to take necessary and appropriate precautions to ensure the safety of themselves and their loved ones. In this case, however, the casual intimation of divorce present in your note appears to be a more pressing issue at the moment, and one you may wish to address prior to any planned excursion. ~ Suri

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Suri Says™
by Suri Syrtauwnya
Advice Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Party Pooper

Dear Suri, I showed up early to this party I was invited to, and my friends got pissed ’cause they weren’t ready. I ended up punching a hole in their door! I was just so over their kid stuff bullshit. I’d do it again tomorrow! — Jimmy Pesto

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Dear “Jimmy Pesto,” Punctuality is as much a virtue as it is a social grace. While it is unfortunate that distress has been felt on both sides, it is certainly not too late to make things right.

The process begins with a sincere and respectful apology on your part. In this case, compensation and accommodation will also have to be offered for the property damage.

Friendship is a delicate process, but it is essential after a transgression for both parties to offer necessary concessions, to keep this important bond intact. ~ Suri

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Suri Says™
by Suri Syrtauwnya
Advice Editor
Residential Life Magazin

Fair Weather Friends?

Dear Suri, I finally got a job after being out of work for almost a year, and now people are coming out of the woodwork wanting to take me out for drinks and celebrate. Where the hell were they when I was down and out?!

I’m not trying to be a whiner here, but I faced some pretty scary days, Suri. A couple months, I was close to getting evicted, and I skipped meals most weeks. I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m just saying.

So it’s a little hard to accept all this attention as genuine. I’ve a mind to tell everyone to shove it up their ass! — (Anonymous)

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Dear Anonymous, Congratulations on your new job. May it be the perfect fit, and help bring you much happiness.

Humans, as you know, are terribly complicated creatures. There are times when a well-meaning friend feels they are unable to offer any real assistance, or perhaps they are in a similar situation – dealing with shortcomings and frustrations of their own.

This is by no means an excuse for those who may have, indeed, written you off in your time of need. Perhaps, with your new perspective, this is an opportunity to re-evaluate your current relationships, and also create renewed bonds with others.

It is wise, however, to take care not to make rash decisions, or take severe actions you’ll regret later on. ~ Suri

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Suri Says™
by Suri Syrtauwnya
Advice Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Parking Wars

Dear Suri, Though there are no assigned spots in my company parking lot, the natural understanding amongst co-workers is that once you “claim your spot,” it remains yours until you leave the place or get demoted or something. If you’re sick or on vacation, other people might park in your spot while you’re away, but they all know that things go back to normal once you get back. Or at least most people know.

parking-lot

There’s this one guy at work who doesn’t get it. He’s new, so one day I took him aside and explained the “rules” as I just explained to you. And do you know that the guy went ahead the next week and still took my spot?! Total dick move, if you ask me.

I approached the guy again to give him a little reminder. I didn’t get violent or anything like that. I just let him know what’s what, and that he shouldn’t be parking in my spot anymore and being blatantly disrespectful.

Next thing I know this douche goes to HR and rats me out! Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything reckless to him or his car, but I have to make my point clear, you know? How should I let him know that I’m not going to just sit back and let him steal my space like that? — Stressed in Salinas

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Dear Stressed, As you detailed in your opening paragraph, there are no assigned parking spots at your workplace. Barring a written policy that has been disseminated to every employee (new and existing), I fear your efforts will continue to be in vain.

There is a cliché that states “Pick your battles.” The decision before you, then, is whether a parking space is worth professional discipline and possible termination. Take good care to reach the choice that will best benefit your positive future endeavors. ~ Suri

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Suri Says™
by Suri Syrtauwnya
Advice Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Give Her the Cold Shoulder?

Dear Suri, I am still enamored with a young lady with whom I’ve been on several romantic outings. Suddenly, however, she has been behaving in a most aloof fashion.

Acting on advice from friends (and several Internet sites), I made the decision to give her ‘the cold shoulder’ for a pre-determined amount of time. The plan was to really ‘teach her a lesson’ on how unacceptable her recent behavior has been.

But instead of ‘seeing the light,’ she has opted to immediately cease our interactions. I am hurt and confused, and am not sure what my next steps in the matter should be. — Heartbroken in Hoboken

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Dear Heartbroken, Communication remains the key to any successful relationship – be it friendly, professional, or romantic connection.

It’s wise to approach your female friend with a sincere apology and explanation of your perhaps misguided actions. Whether she accepts this concession and provides ‘next steps’ will, of course, be entirely up to her.

Emotions are a confusing and delicate matter, to be sure. However, purposely behaving in a rude and abrasive manner rarely leads to a positive outcome to any interpersonal communication. Best of luck to you! ~Suri

Suri Says™
by Suri Syrtauwnya
Advice Editor
Residential Life Magazine