Foiled Again!


The key to successfully robbing a bank: they have to be open. After trying to shake down a local bank twice after hours, it’s clear one would-be robber didn’t get that memo.

Police in Des Moines, Iowa say security footage shows someone trying to get into the Marine Credit Union. Problem is, both times the bank had closed for the night!

Some employees witnessed the scene, but couldn’t give a good description because of his disguise. The suspect has yet to be caught.

News Offbeat
Real Stories from Around the World
by Danny Inc  
News Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Hair Today…


You really can’t make this stuff up. Police in Dearborn, Michigan are looking for a bald thief who stole hair growth product from a local pharmacy. They say the suspect (pictured) nicked seven boxes of Rogaine from a CVS and then fled in an “older model Chevrolet.”

News Offbeat
Real Stories from Around the World
by Danny Inc  
News Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Meaty Politics

One Michigan town has an idea to get folks more interested in local politics: serve ‘em free hot dogs!

Victory Township plans to host free, public picnics before its regular board meetings. Residents are not required to stay for the meeting, but officials say most who show up do, anyway.

News Offbeat
Real Stories from Around the World
by Danny Inc  
News Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Decision 2020: 80’s Toys Cabinet

President Teddy Ruxpin
Vice President Rainbow Brite
Attorney General Papa Smurf
Secretary of State Care Bear*

*Sunshine or Harmony would be best suited to this role, given the need for diplomacy

Other Secretaries

Agriculture = Strawberry Shortcake
Commerce = Cabbage Patch Kids (shared role)
Defense = G.I. Joe
Education = Speak and Spell
Energy = Glo Worm
Health and Human Services = Easy Bake Oven
Homeland Security = He-Man // She-Ra (co-secretaries)
HUD = Garfield // Odie (shared role)
Interior = Barbie
Transportation = Power Wheels
Treasury = Scrooge McDuck
Veterans Affairs = Optimus Prime

Other Cabinet Positions

Chief of Staff = See n’ Say
U.N. Ambassador = My Little Pony
Small Business Administrator = Jem/Jerrica

Inquiring Minds

Have you ever wondered what happens to people’s stuff when they get murdered, or die in a cult suicide pact or something? Theoretically, their family members were either in the cult too, or had been ex-communicated years ago.

Does the stuff go to Goodwill? Is it put up for auction? Would anyone buy clothes off a dead person? Now I’m going to naturally assume everything I buy second-hand was on a dead body. So that’s why the stuff is so cheap!

by Tommy R. Panagopolis
Residential Life Magazine


I recently participated in my first Interactive Live-Action Role Play, or “iLARP.” The experience was quite impressive — both technically and otherwise — and was unlike any other. I would likely participate in another event.


Same Page

I got to thinking, however, that everyone “LARPs” at some point in their life. Everyone finds an outlet that allows them to be someone different from who they usually are. Whether it’s acting, video games, reading, drugs, etc., everyone wants and needs to experience adventure and be someone they’re not. Maybe it’s the theatrics, maybe it’s the excitement of it all, maybe it’s the opportunity to reinvent yourself, if only for a few hours.

I actually think it’s healthy. Kids are always making stuff up, and they seem pretty content about it. Positive outlets can help people become more grounded in reality.

by Catherine Obvious
Pop Culture Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Shared Office Space Creates Tension

Dear Suri, I work in a “shared office environment,” which only means that everyone shares an office with at least two other people. It is mostly a space issue, but my supervisor also says it was done to boost teamwork. I guess people were relying on e-mail and chat and not actually talking to each other for weeks on end.

I actually don’t mind this setup, and the people I share with are usually pretty good about not listening to loud music, keeping food and perfume smells to a minimum, etc. But now this one lady has started to mess the whole thing up.

She just got a new personal computer, and now insists that everyone lock the door when they leave the office. It is just stupid. I’ve already been locked out three times, and it is just a waste of time and productivity.

Business People Working In Office
We’re all in this together

Labor Intensive

I’m overweight, so I usually empty my pockets when I get to work. The way dress pants are made, they don’t leave a lot of ‘extra room,’ if you know what I mean. It just gets too tight and uncomfortable when I sit down with stuff in my pockets. I’ve started to put my wallet and keys in a drawer and leave them in there until the end of the day. So when this lady pulls this stuff, it means I get locked out. I am tired of it!

Twice Shy

I complained to a co-worker, and he said that she (my office mate) had some stuff stolen a few years back when she had her own office. They took her computer, purse and some other stuff. Some guy posed as a janitor and just swiped stuff from everyone. I guess he made off with a lot, and then was never seen again. But that was years ago, and also when her office was on the first floor. Now we’re on the second floor. It would take balls to come up here and pull that stuff!

I think this lady is being disrespectful. Constantly locking the door is annoying, especially since she has a drawer that locks! Just keep your stuff in there. Don’t force the rest of us to play this game every day! — Locked Out in Loch Haven, Pennsylvania

Dear Locked Out, Rebuilding trust can be a long and difficult process. More than the mere loss of material possessions, theft is a violation of privacy and security. The emotional toll can last for years — even a lifetime.

Remaining sympathetic to your co-worker’s concerns, could you not draft a personal reminder to bring your keys when you leave the office? Good luck. ~Suri

Suri Says™
by Suri Syrtauwnya
Advice Editor
Residential Life Magazine