News Offbeat

Not in the Holiday Spirit

The Easter Bunny doesn’t like bad words. One Ohio woman found that out the hard way when she was arrested for making lewd comments to the character.

Police say the 54-year-old Mansfield woman (who has not been named) let loose a slew of profanities whilst taking a photo with a person dressed as the Easter Bunny. A police report says she then rode a carousel. The woman was arrested for public intoxication.

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News Offbeat
Real Stories from Around the World
by Danny Inc  
News Editor
Residential Life Magazine

Offbeat

Say Again?

Expressions are funny. Sometimes they are local or regional, so other people may not be ‘hip’ to their actual meaning.

Like the other day. I was chatting with this cute guy, but I really had to go to the bathroom. Of course I wasn’t going to just blurt that out, so I said I needed to “wash my hands.”

Always a Lady

women's room sign
Gotta go right now

My brother used to live in Southern Ohio, and I guess a lot of people there say that, when really they need to pee. I guess this woman out there told him that the women especially use the phrase, because no one ‘powders their nose’ anymore.

Well, I liked the way it sounded, so I made the mistake of trying it here, and that’s where all the confusion started!

The guy first told me I could just use the kitchen sink, to which I turned beet red. I think he noticed, too, ‘cause then he said he actually thought he had a hand-wipe packet in his pocket! That wasn’t going to help me at all!

Take a Hint

So then I made matters worse by telling him “thank you, but I really needed to wash my hands someplace else.” I guess my subtle hint wasn’t too subtle, ‘cause he just couldn’t get it! He kept talking about hand sanitizer and how there’s a bar of soap right in the kitchen!

Not knowing what else to do, I finally had to just break down and tell him that I had to use the restroom (I actually said ‘restroom’ instead of ‘pee’ this time), and then he turned beet red, and that’s when I took off and headed down the hall!

It got me thinking about other expressions people use that other people get totally confused about. I can’t think of any right at the moment, but if you know any other funny ones, let me know!

by Amber O’Neal
Residential Life Magazine

Politics and Society

It’s Getting Hot in Here

I’m so tired of people bitching about the cold weather and snow. It’s winter! Unless you’re only 10 months old, you’ve experienced at least one in your life!

Look, having to deal with the cold and ice, poor driving conditions and all that winter brings is no picnic. I get it. I grew up in the Northeast and had my fair share of seasonal woes: everything from fender benders to just having to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to shovel the driveway so you could get the hell out and to work. I’m no stranger to all that.

Later, I got a job in Southern Ohio, and that wasn’t too bad. Still had to deal with winter, but even during a storm it wasn’t as much as up North, and it usually only lasted about three months and then the sun was out again, warming things up.

snowy scene
Suck it up or shut it up.

But these people who complain every winter and don’t do a damn thing about it are driving me nuts! And before someone says something about not being able to afford to move, you can save it.

I moved down South with about $300 to my name, no savings account, and no job. The first year all I could get were three part-time jobs — enough to get a crappy, roach-infested apartment and still be able to keep my car. But you know what? On the weekends, I would hit the beach for free, and that was pretty great.

And before some douche writes in about “you had to pay for gas to get to the beach,” yeah, I know! You also have to pay for gas to get anywhere, so eat it.

I’m not saying I’m smarter for moving South, and I’m not trying to convince anyone else to do it. We all choose where we live for different reasons, and those choices are what makes life great.

But if you don’t like the winter, try saving even a few bucks each month. It might take you a few years, but eventually you’ll have enough to get out of there and move to a warmer climate.

It doesn’t have to be Florida or California, it could even be Ohio. Just make some movement, instead of bitching about the cold all the time. It’s tiring, and I’ve had enough of it!

by Lizzie Dementia | Residential Life Magazine